Me first!
No one ascended to heaven before jesus
- John 3:13
Seems elijah had already done so in- 2 Kings 2:11
Who went to the tomb?
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2 marys - Matt 28:1 |
2 marys & salome - Mark 16:1 |
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4 women & several others - Luke 24:10 |
mary magdalene alone! - John 20:1 |
When did they go?
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Early morning - Matt 28:1 |
At sunrise - Mark 16:1,2 |
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Very early - Luke 24:1 |
Still dark - John 20:1 |
What was seen?
The women witness an earthquake,
then an angel comes down,
rolls away the stone, and sits on it.
The guards see this also, but they faint --weenies
- Matt 28:2-4
Stone already moved and a solitary young man sitting inside the tomb
- Mark 16:4
Stone already moved with two men standing inside
- Luke 24:4
"Well, would you believe..."Stone already moved and no one seen on the first two visits by mary, john, and peter.
However, there are two angels sitting inside on mary's supposed third visit- John 20:1-12
What did man/men/angel/angels say ?
Jesus was risen and disciples are to go to Galilee where he'll meet them
- Matt 28:5-7, Mark 16:6-7
Jesus had risen
- Luke 24:6,7
Asks why mary is crying- John 20:13
What do the women/woman do next ?
They run away but meet jesus who repeats angel's instruction
- Matt 28:8
They go directly to tell the disciples
- Luke 24:9
Mary meets jesus and they talk
- John 20:14
They flee and say nothing to anyone!
- Mark 16:8
NOTE:If I were a christian, I'd be getting a little annoyed by now at how shabbily put together is this "handbook to salvation".
The original Mark ended at 16:8.
Verses 9-20 were probably added as recently as the 16th century of the christian era.
It's simply mind-boggling to me that an "artificial" amendment would be so contradictory to the original ancient texts. Couldn't these guys read?!
What the hell's going on here anyway?
Just wait, though- it gets even better...or worse, really. Read on.
New math? How long was jesus buried?
Jesus foretold he would be buried in the heart of the earth for three days and nights, as jonah was in the fish
- Matt 12:40
According to all four gospels, he was buried for just one day and two nights
- Mark 15:42, 16:1-3, Luke 23:54, 24:1,
John 20:1, Matt 27:62, 28:1
NOTE:
These texts show the burial did not take place until Friday night and the tomb was empty before Sunday morning.
Imagine you book a weekend trip and are promised three days and three nights' accomodation. You check in Friday night, wake up and lounge around the pool and explore a little on Saturday afternoon, then party a little that evening.
Imagine too, how pissed off you'd be if your travel agent called you up in the middle of the night Saturday to let you know you've got to be out of the hotel room before the sun comes up!
I don't think many christians would buy the travel agent's argument that, "that's how long j.c. was dead before he rose into heaven. Thanks for your money and have a nice day- god bless."
What is 1st conversation with the risen jesus?
The two marys on their way from the tomb
- Matt 28:9-10
Two disciples on road to Emmaus
- Luke 24:15
Mary magdalene, alone- John 20:14-17, Mark 16:9
This just gets sillier. Read on...
LUKE'S SPRINTING DISCIPLES
You know the two traveling to Emmaus in the reference above?
(Luke 24:15)Well, Emmaus is about 10 miles west of Jerusalem, and Luke 24:13-33 has the two being visited by jesus, and the two then go "that same hour" to the eleven in Jerusalem.This means these guys ran 10 consecutive miles averaging less than six minutes per mile without stopping for water or breath
...in sandals. Truly a miracle.
There are certainly more fantastic stories found in the bible, yet this one is not portrayed as a miracle.
It is more likely an error due to the author's ignorance of Judean geography and/or careless editing.
Sit! Stay! Come here! Stay!
Jesus commands the apostles to stay in Jerusalem until pentecost
- Luke 24:49
Jesus tells the women to instruct the disciples to go immediately up to Galilee
- Matt 28:10
This is odd, since he was apparently going to see them himself later that day in Jerusalem, if you believe Luke and John.
Remember, though, that the women'said nothing to anyone'
- Mark 16:7
How many in the audience?
Luke has jesus appearing to "the eleven" on the same day as the resurrection
- Luke 24:33-36
Yet, thomas was missing on this appearance and it was over a week later that jesus actually appeared to all eleven - that is, with thomas present- John 20:24, 26
Time from resurrection to ascension?
At least the time it took the eleven disciples to walk from Jerusalem to Galilee -
some 60-70 miles north
- Matt 28:16-20
More than eight days
(this does not include events described in the more recent addition of John's chapter 21)- John 20:26
NOTE:40 days
With the John 21 appendix, this means it was even longer as it also features a Galilean appearance. One must add to the tale at least the time it would have taken the disciples to walk there.
- Acts 1:3
However,
it is made very clear that jesus rose, made all his appearances, and ascended into heaven
- wait for it -all on the same day!
- Luke 24:13, 33, 36, 50
RELATED NOTE:
Because it says the post crucifixion events happen on the same day, Luke makes an appearance at, or journey to Galilee impossible because everything reportedly happens in the area of Jerusalem.
the disciples are told to stay there until Pentecost ( Luke 24:49 ) and at the conclusion, jesus ascends to heaven from Bethany -just outside Jerusalem- that day.
